


Teach Me Gently

by especiallythezefronposter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 20:46:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/especiallythezefronposter/pseuds/especiallythezefronposter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cas disappears, Dean looks for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teach Me Gently

Dean found Cas in the parking lot of the motel he stayed in.

He had stopped in Springfield for tonight, but tomorrow he would have left for Chicago. After Cas had disappeared two years ago Dean had gone from town to town, taking temporary jobs with the few skills he had, sleeping in cheap motels and living from gross diner food. It wasn't exactly the life a guy his age should live, but if he did anything else he would go nuts. He couldn't just go back to college, knowing Cas was somewhere out there. He couldn't go on with his life and settle down if there was a chance he could find Castiel if he kept on moving, however slim.

There wasn't really a chance, of course. He would only find Cas if Cas let him, if he was ready, he knew that better than anyone. He had learned it back in the beginning of their relationship, when they had been just roommates. It would only take a grumpy remark of Dean on one of Cas' annoying habits or a sarcastic response to an obvious question and Cas would leave for hours, sometimes days, even. Even after Dean learned that Cas was just sitting on a bench somewhere on campus watching pigeons or looking out over the city from the roof of the library, always staying right out of Dean's sight, he didn't stop looking for him. He knew he didn't have to be worried and Cas would come back eventually, but he didn't want Cas to think that he took him for granted. 

The longest Cas had stayed away was three weeks, after an especially bad fight about them being together. Cas came from a very strict catholic family and, even though his father and mother were gone, he cared a lot about the opinions of his brothers and sisters, who he described as 'homophobic isn't going to cut it, _at all_.' Dean had gotten frustrated and lost his patience with Cas and he had ended up shouting: 'I get that you don't want to do this because of those douchebag siblings of yours, but I do, and you can't just expect me to stick around and pretend I only want to be your friend. I can't do that Cas, so one of us is going to walk out of that that door tonight and it's not going to be me. You've been screwing up my life for long enough now, and I'm not the one with the wealthy family, either, so do that stupid trick of yours and leave, disappear. I'm not going to let you stay and break me.' and he had walked - he wouldn't let himself run like those stupid girls in the kind of movies he never watched - back to his bedroom and slammed the door shut, knowing well enough that he might have lost Cas forever.

Eventually it hadn't really been that long, but it had felt like ages. Every day Dean would get up and expect to hear Cas' annoying, too loud alarm clock buzz trough their apartment, expect to see Cas at the table in the kitchen, eating all the food Dean had wanted to eat, expect to find those stupid candy wrappers of those stupid caramels Cas liked to eat all over the place. Eventually expectation turned into hope, hope into longing and longing into the kind of desperate need that made him wonder if he could live without Castiel at all. And then one day Cas had just showed up on the doorstep and Dean had pulled him inside and he had kissed him until that empty hole in his chest was gone and they were both gasping for air. That was when Cas finally told Dean he loved him, too, when it all really started. It was great, even with all the worry and pain Dean went through when Cas left, tough it happened much less frequently. They made it work.

Nevertheless, Dean had always known three weeks wasn't the longest time Castiel could hide away, that the worst was yet to come. In the end it was him who caused it, just like always. For once it wasn't something he said or did, but just one of his stupid ideas. He knew how important his siblings were to Cas, so he had wanted to meet them. He would be introduced as a friend, of course, not a boyfriend, but that little lie didn't matter to him. He just wanted to meet Cas' family. It felt like the right thing to do, since Cas had dinners with Dean, Sam, John and Mary all the time. It had all been allright in the beginning. Everyone was nice to Dean and the food was great, but then Dean forgot about his role for a couple of seconds and kissed Cas before he stood up to go to the bathroom. Suddenly the air had been filled with all kinds of terrible insults and the nice dinner had become a family war. From the moment Dean had seen the look on Cas' face he had known. He had learned to recognize the broken determination, close to panic, yet completely different, that filled Cas' eyes before he closed the door behind him and vanished.

And now here they were, two years later. All the pain, the worry, the shame, the sorrow he had gone trough had turned into a terrible bitterness that never left his heart, an endless frustration that kept him going even when he was hungry and broke and homesick for a place that didn't exist anymore, a place with Cas. He would just get up and tell himself that he had to find Cas to tell him how much he hated him for leaving him for so long, how much he missed him even after all the time that had passed, how much he loved him, how much he would always love him, no matter where Cas ran or what his siblings thought of them. He had imagined seeing Cas again for so long, written out apologies when he had nothing to do and thinking of all the things he wanted to shout at Cas when he got tired or drunk.

He had so much to say, but now that he finally stood in front of Cas, droplets of rain rolling over his face as if he was crying - and maybe he was - there were no words on his mind, nothing he needed to say. He walked over to Cas as fast as he could and simply hugged him tight, burying his face in his hair, that was slightly longer but still smelled the same, kissing every place his lips could reach and whispering his name with every touch. Cas just wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, looking terribly tired. Dean could hear his sobs, feel his tears but he knew it was all okay. He wouldn't let Cas go anywhere, wouldn't give him a reason to. They were going to fix all this and make it work.

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Shelter by Birdy


End file.
